The Band Logo
The Needles and Sins mantra of "keep your low-brow coverage held high" has been drilled into my earhole enough times that I think I've started chanting it in my sleep. It also would explain the pangs of guilt I experienced when I somehow found myself not only looking at cracked.com, but actually laughing at it, to boot.
And while I was ready to see the run-of-the-mill "tattoos are for idiots" sentiment on their tattoo topic page, I mustered quite a few giggles at their "insights," especially this butcher's-chart for the tattooed human form.
[photo courtesy of Cracked.com]
After all, can I make judgements about a website that sounds just as misanthropic as my general view of humanity? Case in point:
Tattoos theoretically could be thoughtful additions to your appearance. Unfortunately there are thousands of tattoo parlors (many open 24 hours) and people just don't have that many thoughts. So most [tattoos] are stupid.
Some people love their stupid tattoos, in fact some people claim that everyone should have at least one. I can't argue with that sentiment, but I would like to point out that for a lot of people, its often its the first and final tattoo.
Cracked's stance on band logo tattoos ("I have no independent personality or understanding of the passage of time"), revolves around something which I've milled over and mulched in my brain for far longer than I probably should have.
While it's a pretty safe bet that your affinity for the bands you loved during puberty will never wane (in my case, groups like Pixies, Sonic Youth, Operation Ivy), I can safely assert that I don't personally need to immortalize that lifelong allegiance with a dermal decoration. Secondly, it's also almost entirely a safe bet that the band you love RIGHT NOW will either break-up or, worse, totally shift stylistic directions leaving you pining for their "first few albums" and a laser removal center.
Or in the words of the guys at C-Rap.com and their funny (if hastily penned) piece on tattoos in the hardcore community
I know that Slipknot piece must've looked fresh when you were going sick in the pit for them at Ozzfest, but one day they will inevitably put out a record you'll be describing as a sellout, and you'll be looking to burn that shit off with a hot hanger.
And speaking of "burning," I've loved Clutch since I first saw that Lay-Z-Boys vs. Monster-Trucks video way back when on Headbanger's Ball. I also loved the Burning Beard video. And hot diggity dagnabbit, Sean Young did a mean portrait inspired by it (pictured left).
But in the words of Ryan Dowd, the (tattooed) die-hard Clutch fan from Dogs of Winter, "I love the man, but I really don't think I need Neil Fallon's face on me."
Words made all the more prescient considering that the latest offering from Clutch, Strange Cousins From The West is good... it's just not, um... great.
Even Rob Zombie (no stranger to ink, himself) told Inked Magazine: "I have seen hundreds and hundreds of tattoos of my face on people. Sometimes that is actually quite shocking - how large they are. I'm like, 'Really? You want someone else's face that's actually larger than your own face on your body?' But it is what it is, I guess. It's flattering, but it's pretty extreme."
Listen to Mr. Zombie, kids. He knows what's good for you.