It's that time of year, my friends. A time when the tacky take over, when once demure women play dress up in slutty outfits of our fave fairy tales, and grown men think it's ok to wear a penis hat on their heads. Yes, Halloween costume planning is upon us.

And along with 2009's top trends like the Octomom or racy Devil Grrl get-up for your 8-year-old, this year's top costumes are all about ... us.

While I should be thankful that I don't need to fork over a fifty for dirty cop duds, there's something that really scares me about Halloween ensembles like these:

* The Tattoo Freak -- for your kid too!
* Miami Ink Hell Raiser & Low Rider horrors
* The Tattoo Biker
* Creepy Tattoo Man mask
* Prison Play Tattoo Convict
* And Lydia the Tattooed Lady (right)
 [Inspired by Brian Grosz's Marx remake?]
* Hell, you can even dress your doggie up.

But I figured out what's really bugging me here, and it's not that companies are making a buck mocking our art. What it comes down to is this: the tattoos in these costumes suck.

Now, I'm all for stickin some faux tattoo sleeves on my unadorned sis to freak out my father, but they gotta have decent designs.

Here are alternatives if you decide to go as me for Halloween:

* Hire a tattooist or art school student to marker up non-permanent body art.
* Rock some henna paste (the reddish brown not toxic black).
* Slap on Temptu Pro tattoo transfers.
* Or custom make your own temps.

And don't forget to complete the costume with a loud maniacal laugh & nerd banter.