Madonna has Gaultier. Sharon Stone has Calvin Klein. Me...I have Father Panik Industries.

Celebs like Margaret Cho, The Van Zandts, and Dee Snider may model their wares on red carpets, but whose tattooed sleeves are modeling their Knuckle Tattoo Gloves online?

Who wears their hoodies, tees, shorts with the same aplomb, aplomb I say, as Anna Wintour wears dead animals?

And that gold Bad Ass nameplate? Who's tattooed cleavage has been photographed numerous times with that baby on?

Me.

And yet, Father Panik Industries has yet to officially declare me as their fashion muse. Oh, they do have rare moments where they woo me. A text saying they'd like to offer me a free manicure. But in the end they just want my stubby fingers to fill out their latest gloves with the thumb holes for texting tease ease. But I won't do it this year! That is, unless they make me the next tattooed Edie Sedgwick.

A girl's gotta play hard to get.

Or a girl can be totally shameless and tell you to shop the Father Panik Store Online or find them at fairs like the fabulous Gifted Market in Manhattan. If you do stop by their booth, tell them "their muse" sent ya. Maybe it'll work for me.